Why?
by A Typical Snarry Fan
Summary: Why does Severus and Harry mention (In my fics) that Harry's cried and wanted to die and Severus hurt him? It is all explained in this fic. Um, I think this could be a tearjerker { I knew that the monster that broke my heart was not Severus.}


Why?  
  
By Snarry  
  
Summary: Why does Severus and Harry mention (In my fics) that Harry's cried and wanted to die and Severus hurt him? It is all explained in this fic. Um, I think this could be a tearjerker { I knew that the monster that broke my heart was not Severus.}  
  
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Part 1: Why?  
  
I sat there, waiting to die. He was gone. He left me. He said I was nothing. He said I'm a just a one night stand and should never have started this. Why am I a one-night stand when we've been together for months? Why is it my fault? He made me hate myself more than ever. He was the only one I wanted and then he ripped my heart out of my chest.  
  
I told him I loved him and that was my mistake. He never loved me. These tears I shed are nothing more than the rain pounding against my face.  
  
He put me into my place. Without him, I would have never made it past my fifth year---the year Sirius died. Sure he hated Sirius, but I knew he cared for me. Why did he say those unforgettable things? Why did he make me cry?  
  
I can't live with heartbreak. I just can't live at all. Why won't he see me like this? Why did he say he wouldn't leave me? Why must the gods torment me? I loved him . . .I still love him, that's my problem. I should just forget about him. I will walk in the Great Hall and laugh again. I will eat again. I will play chess with Ron . . .I can't! I just can't do it! He made me miserable and I am sure the he's shagging Malfoy! I have to remind myself that he was only using me . . .And I hate him for it. I still love him . . .but I hate him.  
  
"Harry!"  
  
Gods, can't people leave me alone?  
  
"What Ron?" I ask as I wipe my tears off but I know he saw them.  
  
He puts an arm around me brotherly. "People have been looking for you. Why are you in the Forbidden Forest?"  
  
"I just wanted to be alone," I said.  
  
He laughs. "You're always alone!"  
  
Somehow that hurt. He just had to remind me that he's gone.  
  
"Oh Harry, I'm sorry. You know, I heard the Lavender is looking for a boyfriend."  
  
I know he never knew. I'm sure he'll hate me when he finds out.  
  
"It's okay. I don't want to be with anybody." Anybody except him.  
  
He walked us to the great oak doors. And everyone stared at me. Not Ron, Oh no, not him, but me. I know they, like Ron, can see my tear stained face. I look down in shame as Ron walked me to Gryffindor House Table.  
  
I look at the floor because I'm in shame. I'm in denial. I look at the floor because I know I'll look into his dark eyes and burst into tears. I can never face him. I'm pathetic, I know.  
  
"Harry, you have to eat!"  
  
I picked up my fork as Hermione piled food on my plate. This time I must eat or else Hermione will take me to see Poppy and that will not be fun. I gave her a weak smile. "I'm okay, I'm just a bit tired."  
  
All ears are strained to hear my faint voice, but I am sure they can hear me fine.  
  
Ron slapped me on the back making me go flying off the table. All eyes are on me, look at my prone figure on the floor, attempting to get up.  
  
Hermione knows of my fight with Se-Him. She was 100% into our-my relationship with Him. Hermione is my true sister. I grab her hand and she pulls me up and helps me walk out of the Great Hall.  
  
"So I wonder what Potter's got himself into now!"  
  
"Did you see his face? The queer has been crying!"  
  
I didn't listen to them; I never do. I needed a change. I had the perfect plan.  
  
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Part 2: A Change in Harry  
  
When I walked in the Great Hall, again eyes were on me. This time, I was different. I put on black eyeliner, black lipstick, painted my fingernails black and wore leather pants with a choker. No one will mess with me.  
  
Ron sputtered, "What the heck happened to you Harry?"  
  
My lips curled into a smile. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Well look at you! You've turned Goth!"  
  
I looked at my attire, perfectly knowing what he meant. "Oh yea, I'm sorry." I put on my robe. "Is that what you wanted?"  
  
Before Ron could shout again, Hermione walked up. "Harry?" And she fainted.  
  
I looked down at her. "Oops." And swept out of the Great Hall. This time, no rude comments were following me.  
  
"OMG, Lavender, did you see his butt?"  
  
Luckily, it was Hogsmead weekend. I had some plans.  
  
****Hogsmead****  
  
"What do ya want kid?"  
  
I was in the wizarding piercing shop, brand new, in Hogsmead.  
  
"One eyebrow and nose ring."  
  
"That'll cost ya 7 sickles."  
  
I handed him the money.  
  
Harry Potter has officially turned Goth.  
  
Part 3: Seamus  
  
Monday---Potions first hour. I will show him whose boss. I will not shed a tear anymore. He's hurt me enough and now I'd like to move on, with or without him.  
  
I heavily applied my eyeliner (Heh, think Jack Sparrow Oh, I'm sorry, *Captain* Jack Sparrow) and put on my lipstick.  
  
Putting on my school robe, I take out a locket. This locket is something I will never do away with. I opened it and saw my smiling face, Sev---His arms wrapped around my waist. A tear made its way down my face. I quickly wiped it off not wanting to ruin my eyeliner.  
  
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Hermione and Ron got used to the more quieter and darker Harry. I never spoke much, but I'm sure they knew what I was thinking. People were still staring at me during. Seamus of all people came up and tapped me on the back. Everyone was watching.  
  
"Yes Seamus?" I said, not turning around.  
  
Even though I was not looking at him, I knew he was nervous.  
  
"Um, Harry, I was wondering if you would like to go out to Hogsmead with me next weekend."  
  
I stiffened and turned around. Using words that had hurt me before, I spat at him. "What makes you think I would want to ever do anything with you? When did I ever say that I wanted to be with you? Leave me alone!" I could have said more, but if I said more, I would sound exactly like him.  
  
His lips quivered. "Um, so I think that it's a no?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Oh no, of course I would love to go out with you! Wow, I didn't even know I really liked guys that way!" I said, knowing that only Hermione and Se-He knew about my orientation. People only assumed that I was gay.  
  
I heard people who thought I was gay gasp loudly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"But I swear he was a queer!"  
  
"Ooh, no I've got a chance!"  
  
I sickened me.  
  
I faced them all and told them in a hushed voice, "I will not o out with anyone of you! Girl or guy, I am staying single!"  
  
Ron turned purple then burst out laughing! "H-Harry! My God! I-I knew you wouldn't stay quiet for long!"  
  
Hermione slapped him across his face and before he could say anything, the bell rang. It was time to face my fear.  
  
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Part 4: Potions Class  
  
Hermione hung on my arms as I walked quickly to the classroom. I could not afford to be late now that He was not with me. Remember, I tell myself, Remember he doesn't love you-he never did.  
  
Hermione, Ron and I found a seat in the back. I would have to look him in the eyes and show him that he caused no pain even though it still hurts.  
  
I didn't look up until I felt someone standing in front of me. It was He. I looked up to meet his eyes---once dark brown, I remembered, but there was something missing in there from the last time I looked at him.  
  
"Yes Sir?" My voice cracked and I hate myself for it.  
  
I think that his sneer was off. "Potter, what in blazes do you think you are doing?"  
  
I looked at everyone else. There had their cauldron out and were making some sort of Potion. I felt horrible. He had succeeded in humiliating me again.  
  
I looked down. It was hard to look into his eyes when they had once showed love, but no hate, loathing, despising. I can't do it.  
  
"Sorry Sir," I muttered to the floor.  
  
"Potter, 20 points from Gryffindor and detention with me."  
  
I felt my stomach leave me. There was no way I could be in the same room with him-alone-for hours on end, because I know it will hurt. I know I'll do something that would make him hate my even more.  
  
"Yes Sir." There was no way I could fight with him, not after...  
  
The bell rang for Second Hour.  
  
"Hermione, can you tell McGonagall that I have to stay after class with Snape?"  
  
She nodded and patted me on the back. "Harry, stay strong."  
  
Part 5: I'm Sorry  
  
I heard him close the door. He looked at me. I wanted to melt under his gaze, but I just couldn't.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
He sighed. "Potter, I-I." His face darkened. "Potter, detention 7:00 in my office. H-Potter, I-I'm sorry."  
  
I closed my eyes. I know that he is just lying to me again.  
  
I sighed in defeat. "Whatever sir." My eyes are closed tight. I know that in a second's time, I will be crying.  
  
I hear a shuffle. He is walked to me. He wraps his arms around me and I stiffen. "Please, I'm so sorry." He says. I know that he's lying. Severus Snape would never apologise. He rubs my back. "I hurt you and I'm sorry. I- I was just scared."  
  
Tears leaked out of the corner of my eye. Somehow I knew he was telling the truth. I relaxed into his embrace.  
  
"Harry, I hurt you so much. I never knew that I loved you until it was too late. Harry, can you ever forgive me?"  
  
This seems like a dream---I never want to wake up. "Oh, Sev-Severus, I will!"  
  
I almost called him the thing he hated the most-or so I thought-Sev.  
  
He pulls me into his lap and he rubs off some of my eyeliner that was smudging.  
  
I got off his lap quickly, and I muttered a charm and my make-up is gone.  
  
My voice is weak. "Severus, can we please talk about this later? I-things are just happening so fast." I want to stay with him, really I do, but he might be lying. I don't know if I can trust him again.  
  
He looked disappointed. "It's ok, Harry, I understand."  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
He gave me a watery smile. "And don't forget about your detention!"  
  
Part 6: Before Dinner  
  
I missed the rest of my lessons. I was so confused. Dinner was at 6:00 and no on asked where I was. Hermione pulled me over to speak with me privately.  
  
"Harry, what happened?"  
  
I wanted to smile. "Se-He said he was sorry."  
  
"Harry, do you forgive him?"  
  
"I dunno. I don't think I can trust him, but I'm sure I can learn."  
  
I looked at my watch. "Bye, Hermione, I have to go."  
  
She squeezed my shoulder. "Good luck."  
  
Part 6: Why You Should Never Drink  
  
I knocked softly on His door. He opened it up and I followed him in.  
  
"Harry, follow me."  
  
He led me to his rooms. I know them like the back of my hands. I sat down of the chair that I had called a long time ago. No one said it was mine, but we both knew it was.  
  
He opened his mouth and took a deep breath. "Harry, I think I should explain what happened that night. When you came over, I had been drinking. Things are still not clear, but I said something that I would never wanted to. What I said was a lie. Harry, when I get drunk, I get mean. Something didn't click. I haven't got that drunk for years. I had a bad day and I got drunk then took it out on you. I never wanted to hurt you but for the first time, you met my father. When I was a child, my father did the same thing. He was a horrible alcoholic and it must run in the family.  
  
"I took the thing you wanted more than anything else and I ripped it a part. I knew you valued our relationship more than anything did. The next morning, I expected us to be arm in arm in my-no, our bed. The night flashed through my head. When I had realised what had happened, I fire- called Albus. He was very upset of what I had done, but not as I was. He just told me that I deserved it and he told me to leave you alone.  
  
"When you did not show up for dinner, I was terrified. What if you did something unspeakable? I could have never forgiven myself. When I saw Weasley run out of the Great Hall and outside, I hoped that he knew where you were. My heart broke for the millionth time when he brought you back. I couldn't look myself in the mirror after seeing you. The next day, I when I saw you, I hated myself even more. You secluded yourself and your make-up showed your feelings. I missed hearing you laugh with your friends. When I saw you in class, I couldn't make you more miserable. And I guess you know the rest." He finished lamely.  
  
I buried my head in my arms. Severus really did apologise. I knew that the monster that broke my heart was not Severus.  
  
"Harry, can you forgive me? Will we ever fix this mistake that happened? I can understand if you never want to speak to me."  
  
Instead of answering, I pressed my lips onto his warm ones.  
  
I knew that deep in my heart, I forgave him.  
  
He pulled up a chair and sat by the fire with me.  
  
A/n: Read my other stories in the series! 


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